FROM BAD TO WORSE

Terrific Task Tuesdays are supposed to be all about the wonderful good deeds I've caught children doing. I'm supposed to encourage you all to be kind and caring and helpful. I'm supposed to make you want to join Santa's Good Deeds List.

Well, I'm sorry I haven't done that yet this year.

To start with, the world's population has increased this year so I've had to get a helper to help me get around the two billion children there are now. But last week things went from bad to worse when the only elf to reply to my job advertisement was Heidi. She's constantly late, quite untidy and her sense of geography is non-existent. But, she's all I've got so she'll have to do.

This week we began by visiting children in some of the bustling cities of the world - places like Tokyo, London and New York. There are millions of children that live in cities, so I quite like to get the bulk of the work done first. Then, next week we'll visit some of the quieter villages and towns.

I began by telling Heidi what I wanted her to do.

“Our job is to catch children being good,” I explained. “Santa's Good Deeds List changes every year and it's our job to make sure only those children who do terrific tasks are on it.”

“What counts as a good deed?” asked Heidi.

“Good question.” I was impressed with her attitude so far – maybe she'd be a better helper than I first thought.

“Good deeds are anything that children do to help without moaning or grumbling and, hopefully, without being asked. Things like tidying their rooms without being asked, being polite, even just offering to help with the housework counts as a good deed.”

“Ah,” said Heidi. “I think I'll remember that.”

“Great,” I smiled. “We're going to get some of the major world cities done first, so you can go to places like Rome, Karachi and Beijing if that's OK? I'll do the rest.”

“Rome. Karachi. Beijing,” Heidi repeated. “Rome... Karachi... Beijing...”

Great! I had myself a helper who had memorised the places she needed to visit. What could go wrong?

At the end of the week, we met up back at the North Pole.

“Phew! What a busy week!” I puffed. “I've covered all of children in most of the major cities... How did you get on with your cities?”

“Cities?” said Heidi dreamily. “I haven't been to any cities...”

Perhaps the sports gear she was wearing should have warned me, but the next sentence she said showed that she hadn't got a clue...

“I've been having a lovely time,” Heidi said. “You told me to go for a roam – so I did. You said to do some karate – so I did. And you said to go bathing - so I have!”

“Rome, Karachi and Beijing!!” I cried. “Not Roam, Karate and Bathing!!”

With that I gave Heidi the cold shoulder and stormed off in an elf-huff, which is like a huff, but a little smaller and magical.

So that's how we end this week. With me in a huff and my helper without a clue. I'm rapidly running out of time and I'm stuck with an elf who really has no “Heidi-ah”!! The preparations for this Christmas have been so busy, I've barely had time to enjoy the festive season. Unlike my helper who's had a wonderful time, but hasn't helped at all!

Next week will be the busiest week I've ever had. Santa's Good Deeds List needs more names on it and I've got millions of children to visit.

I hope to come and watch you this week if my helper doesn't go off doing martial arts or going for a swim. You won't know we're there, but we'll spot your terrific tasks, I promise.

I'd better go now - journeys to make, children to see...

Toomer (and Heidi)